Today I Failed

We went to the park this morning before the heat took over. Even though it only got up to 93, the humidity was intense. It was 85 degrees Fahrenheit at around 10am. We had a great play date with our friends. It was a great start to the day!

Then something happened.

And I don't know what.

My husband is lucky to come spend his lunch break at home because his office is 8 minutes away from our apartment. Sometimes the baby is napping at this time. Other times, he is up and playing happily while daddy is home. Since we visited the park this morning, the one year old did not get his morning nap and therefore went down for a mid day sleep just in time for Daddy to come home and eat.

As my husband left to go back to work, the slamming of the front door (which he doesn't even realize when he closes the door to leave) woke the baby. I usually let him cry for a few minutes to see if he'll go back to sleep. Getting him while he is crying makes for a miserable rest of the afternoon. He isn't himself; he seems like he is still sleepy, and I can never get him back to sleep after I've picked him up.

So after about 15 minutes (I really stretched it today hoping and praying he'd go back down), I reluctantly got him out of his crib and what ensued the rest of the day was screaming, tantrums, biting, and just overall ugliness... from the baby and the 3 year old.

Today, I failed.

My patience ran thin... until it was non existent. My wish for a rest or at least some peace and quiet resulted in me just sitting down at the table and blocking out the kids, no matter how loud they got. I just couldn't go on. I broke. I yelled. They cried. I tried to clean the messes up. I broke again. I cooked dinner. Only one kid ate it, while the other threw it on the carpet. I broke again.

I failed.

I failed at being the best mom I could. I failed at keeping my cool.

As the evening wore on and the husband came home, he saw the despair in my eyes. The need for a break. The want for a rest. He took the crying babe out of his crib and cuddled him for a few minutes. The baby calmed down until he was back in his crib.

And here comes my redemption.

It needed to happen. When I went in, my 3 year old was fast asleep in her bed while the baby cried. I picked him up and carried him over to the rocking chair. We rocked. I cried as I looked at my daughter sleeping soundly and my son dozing off in my arms. I cried knowing that I had failed this day. I cried wishing I had given them more hugs for comfort and read them one more story before bed without getting annoyed and impatient with their "constant wants and needs."
I cried because I know I'm human and every mom goes through this, but I wanted to be better. The kitchen is a mess; the living room is a mess; the kid's room is a mess. I just couldn't.

So today I failed.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will start over. Tomorrow I will be victorious.

Hot Mess Mama

This is my "keep smiling even though I feel like a failure" face.

It might not look like it, but this mama just finished a tough work out, rushed home to get her 2 year old extra pants (accidents happen and I wasn't prepared), and then got the two kiddos out of the car and into the doctor's office, just to be told that her son's 9 month check-up is not today, but tomorrow... gahhhhhhh!!

Hot mess mama is the title that comes to mind. I was up and out with them to get to the gym at 8:30 so that I could be done with my work out by 9:30 and have time to stretch and take a shower before rushing to the doctor's office (which ended up being the wrong day). My 9 month old had different plans. He was not happy and therefore I stopped my work out mid lat exercise, went down to spend some time and calm him down before trying to get back upstairs and finish. I was able to pick back up on my lat exercise but I don't feel that it was the best. I also didn't get a good end-of-work-out stretch (leg day yesterday left me sore sore sore!) so I will be doing that before bed and first thing when I get to the gym tomorrow.

But before I go do mom things, let me share with you my work outs from the past two days.
Yesterday was Leg Day for me and I was struggling with creativity so I used bodybuilding.com to help me out.

LEG DAY:

Hack Squat 3 sets 4-6 reps
Romanian Deadlift 3 sets 8 reps
Dumbbell Lunges 4 sets 25 each leg (I did 25 at first and then went down to 15)
Leg Extensions 3 sets 30 reps
Calf Press on the Leg Press 3 sets 12 reps (I did 20 reps)

Then I stretched for 5 minutes (quick stretch).

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Today's CHEST, LATS, and TRICEPS DAY:

Incline Bench Press 3 sets 10 reps
Dumbbell Flyes 2 sets 12 reps (w/ 45 second rest)
Overhead Dumbbell Extension 3 sets 10 reps
Tricep Kickbacks 3 sets 10 reps
Lat Cable Pulldowns 3 sets 10 reps each side

The only thing that I'd change would be to do Lats before triceps. Work the bigger muscles first!

Cardio

Well  my butt got kicked yesterday... on the elliptical. Who would have thought?!

I hate hate hate cardio days. I am not a fan of running; I never was. So yesterday morning I was going to "cheat" a bit and just get on the elliptical for my cardio day. Ha!---

I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and my legs were burning... in the best way possible! It was pretty great! I remember taking a book with me to read while on the elliptical in college. All I can say is that I wouldn't have been able to focus if I were to have done that this morning. Also, the workout I chose on it had me go in reverse every other minute. And Fixer Upper was on :P

It's safe to say that this shall be repeated!

Today is a day of rest and rejuvenation... and rehydration! I skimped on the water and went straight for the gatorade yesterday. I need to be more disciplined. Also, stretching... but that'll be a future post, I'm sure ;)

In the meantime, keep hydrated, my friends!

Chest Work Out

This has been a normal day for us. Woke up at 6:55am (why is it that the children always seem to wake up at this exact time day after day?) and after breakfast and getting ready for the day, we arrived at the gym at 9.

It was a pretty quick work out for me since I decided to just do chest exercises today. Usually I pair it with lats and triceps, but mommy brain got the best of me and I forgot my schedule :P I've been flaking on recording my exercises in my phone so that gives me motivation to start it up again!

Today I got my chest work out from this. The body building site has been a great resource for when my creativity is limited and I need to switch up my work outs. I did Work Out B:

Barbell Incline Bench Press (3 sets, 10 reps)

Dumbbell Flys (2 sets, 12 reps) ---> I did 3 sets of 10 reps

Push Ups With Feet Elevated (2 sets, 15 reps) ---> I did regular pushups, slower, and did 3 sets of 10 reps

After this work out I ran 4 laps and walked 1 lap before a good stretching session on the mats. I also weighed myself after the workout (not ideal to do, but I was curious) and I gained 3 pounds since my last weigh in which was 3 weeks ago. Because I've been struggling with keeping weight on, this is good news. It means I am drinking enough water, eating enough calories to keep up with my workouts and breastfeeding my 8 month old, and starting to regulate my weight!

Now back to my momming schedule!

What's On Your Playlist?

My oldest is almost 3 years old and there are days where she won't nap. Those are the days when bed time is 6 or 7pm. Tonight, I put her to bed at 6 and then I put my almost 9 month old to bed right after...

YES!

So a nice relaxing bath was had... with wine and Netflix. Thank you, Lord, for a good Sunday night. I needed this. I was able to get together a grocery list for this week, as well as write this blog ;) Big success if you ask me. All that's left is a good stretch and face washing.

But FIRST, it's time to talk good pump-up, working-out music. Everyone is different and it amazes me the plethora of genres used for motivation. It also depends on what type of exercise you do. For now, let's just go with weight lifting and running.

I keep changing my music up, but there are a few songs I will not delete from my work out playlist (Explicit... for "hardcore-ness" ;P):

Till I Collapse (Eminem)

Drop the World (Lil Wayne)

The Distance (Cake)

Numb (Linkin Park)

Always Strapped (Lil Wayne)

Church (T-Pain)

Radioactive (Imagine Dragons)

Lipgloss (Lil Mama)

G-Slide (Lil Mama)

Those are songs that will always be on my mix. Here are some songs that have been added recently for these next couple of months:

In My City (Ellie Goulding)

One Week (Bare Naked Ladies)

I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Seeb Remix: Mike Posner)

My House (Flo Rida)

Don't Let Me Down (The Chainsmokers)

Stressed Out (Twenty One Pilots)

Fight Night (Migos)

Fancy Footwork (Chromeo)

Milli (Lil Wayne)

Some of these songs I have had on my iPod since my soccer days. I would plug myself in for warm ups and they got me in the zone for the game. I feel the same way about these newer songs and it helps me to block everything and everyone else out and just focus on the exercises I'm doing... until I get called down to the kid zone (tehe). 

Some choose to not listen to any music and that helps them keep their focus. To each their own. Some days I feel like music won't do, so I go unplugged. I guess it just depends on the day, but I'd love to hear other songs or types of music you use in keeping yourself pumped and motivated during a work out :D I'm always up to try a new playlist! In the meantime, it's time for that good stretch ;)

Nutrition

Nutrition!

I'm a mother of 2 and we have a good and busy routine to keep ourselves entertained so that we can nap in the afternoon. When I say "we," I'm actually talking about my 2 year old (3 in April) sassy daughter of mine. She loves to keep busy and will always choose to be out of the house and explore. Very different from her mother whom is a serious homebody and would like nothing more than to sit all day long watching a box.

These past few months, I'd been feeling so fatigued, weak, and just not myself. I do feel tired all of the time because that's motherhood, but this feeling was different than normal "mommyhood" tiredness. I thought maybe postpartum depression was hitting me. My son was, in fact, only 5 months at the time. However, having been diagnosed with depression when I was 19, I knew this wasn't my problem. So part of my reason to get back on the fitness train was this tired feeling. I wanted to feel energized again.

I went back to the gym January 18th 2016, when my son was 6 months and 1 day. Those first two weeks were wonderful. It was like a breath of fresh air... It was nice to have up to 2 hours by myself and an uninterrupted shower after a good lifting/ cardio day. I was all about eating better. Having that spinach salad for lunch, hardboiled egg and some quinoa for breakfast, taking fish oil, flaxseed oil, Vit D, magnesium, biotin, prenatal, etc. I was pretty disciplined.

Then I was back to feeling the same fatigue and my energy lacked even more. I've had to drag myself to the gym since. I go 4 times a week, sometimes 5 (depends on the kids) and it's always a struggle to get up and out of the house.

Last week I went to the doctor to see about running some blood tests; maybe I was anemic... or I had thyroid issues. I stepped up onto the scale and was alarmed at just how much weight I've lost. I'm back to pre-pregnancy, pre-wedding, and almost pre-high school weight.

My blood tests came back normal.

And that's where this comes into play:

I am a mother of 2. I am still breastfeeding. I am up multiple times a night and my every day schedule is hectic. I am tired.

I have also been inadvertently starving myself. Oh my goodness! 

If my son gets 19-30 ounces of breast milk, that's up to 600 calories I've burned. I also burn at least 200 calories each gym visit. 

It's not all about the exercise. It's also about NUTRITION!!! Because my schedule was so busy with these kids, I put my nutrition on the back burner and even though I ate good food, I wasn't eating nearly enough or as often as I needed. So, with this reality check, I'm not only making sure I increase my strength with weights and reps, but also with food!

So with that, I remind you to refuel! Keep drinking water. Make sure you aren't burning yourself out. Alright, that's all for me, time to eat again ;)

Yesterday's Home Day

Yesterday marked another day where the gym was a no-go. We woke up bright and early, all smiling and laughing... while Mama made her coffee and forced her eyes open with toothpicks.

We had a great play-date (too short, but it was nice to have visitors) and baby got a very long nap in. This made life a bit easier.

So, I have made the best of staying home. I cleaned up the 2 year old's room, which was extremely stupid because who in their right mind cleans a toddler's room in the morning?? RIGHT? After she fell asleep last night, I went back in and cleaned again.

Throughout the day I got some work outs in. In addition to my scheduled work outs, I'm also doing the 30 day squat challenge. And I'm actually following it!! Whoot whoot!

Day 9 was yesterday and today is Rest day!

Sumo-Reaching Squats (20 reps each)

Yesterday's schedule involved Chest, Triceps, and Lats.

Jog or Bike 5 min warm-up

Push-ups: 5 sets of 7 reps

Triceps: Overhead triceps extension 3 sets of 12-15 reps (10 lbs)

Lats: Lat Pull Down 3 sets of 12-15 reps (60 lbs)

Because I did not have a machine to do Lats, I went in on my day off and ran for a few minutes and then fulfilled my lat work out. I also did Triceps because my two year old kept making me laugh when I was trying to work those yesterday. I took a long time stretching afterwards and got in a nice hot shower. 

Yes, short day at the gym, but it was so good to get some alone time and know that I spent it strengthening my body and recharging. It's good therapy ;)